Eclantus-Parody
by HarmonyBenderFreak
Summary: One-shot. What if someone took 4 book series' worth of plot and put it all into one 5K-word story? Discover the world where everything has already happened, and get introduced to blind people, homosexuals, twin siblings and mutant animal children that come from the future! Rated T for language, sexual themes/references, and just overall teen-adult humor!


MY OWN PARODY OF MY OWN BOOK SERIES, BY ME

_I was at a strange (yet somehow familiar) place with green grass, tall trees, and an earth-worn walking trail. A variety of willows hung over the pathway, making a beautiful arch canopy that made the trail look like a breathtaking tunnel of nature. Golden sunlight burst through the array of plant life and made all of the colors bolder-the multicolored leaves, the lush, jade grass, the wild red, blue, and purple scattered pansies sprouting- making the path look like the stairway to heaven itself. Everything truly amazed me, and made my world brighten at the sight of it. but there was one thing (or person, I should say) that stood out of the beauty, their silhouette lighting up the valley brighter than the sun could on the hottest and longest day of year._

_Wait-I recognized this person. It was a guy with a royal-blue plaid shirt and baggy blue jeans. He had shaggy dirty-blonde hair that fell over his eyes slightly-only a little bit. Behind him, branching out from his back was...a pair of onyx-back wings, at a span of at least seven to eight feet wide. (Oh...em...gee.) He was smiling (his smile-it was so beautiful, it literally made me want to cry) and he was looking directly at me with absolutely amazing golden eyes. Being looked at by this handsome, utterly gorgeous guy made me feel self-conscious about how my appearance looked, so I naturally checked over myself-and was astounded over what I saw._

_We were both standing at the end of the trail, coming into a valley that consisted of an utterly huge, crystal-clear pond with a waterfall soaring over a wall of cliffs that made the place look like utter paradise. The skies were the most beautiful blue I've ever seen, with barely a cloud in sight. Yes, the scenery was awesome, but what really drew my breath away was my reflection in the pond water._

_My once medium-light-brown hair was now a beautiful, flowing, rich, dark chocolate-brown. It was straight, with only a touch of a natural wave to it. My skin was a beautiful creamy white that looked like it felt just like silk if anyone were to touch it. My face was narrow, long, and -surprisingly- beautiful, all of my baby-fat erased, and the usual medium-pink/red of my cheeks erased with the amazing replacement of my new skin. My figure was (amazingly) skinny, long, and curvy, and looked as if any movement I was to make would be utterly and astoundingly graceful. I was wearing a special kind of black shirt (you know-the kind that stops just below your bust, and has sleeves that go a 3rd down the top of your shoulder/arm) with a purple unbuttoned plaid shirt with sleeves that stopped at the elbows. Around my wrists, I had skinny, amazing bracelets that looked like they were woven and braided with the strands of heaven itself. I was wearing a pair of rich blue jeans with a purple and silver belt that had the buckle as a pentagram (the star inside of a circle; the sign that represents the religion of Pagan). After the long, straight legs of the jeans stopped at my ankle, a pair of amazing-looking (yet completely comfortable) flats that were a combination of purple and black covered my feet. Going back to my face, I noticed that my lips were full, rich, and the perfect (and surprisingly natural) combination of red and pink. My cheekbones were more arrogant and protruding, framing my face excellently. My eyebrows were dark, thin, and narrow. My ears held a pair of beautiful, silver, sparkling earrings that dangled a 3rd way down the side of my face and added dramatic grace to my appearance. My neck held a choker necklace with an indigo ribbon and a round, smooth pendant that rested in the hollow of my neck with an engraved yin and yang symbol in it, with purple and blue replacing the traditional black and white. I looked like a goddess._

_But the feature that stood out the most of me was the fact that my irises-instead of the usual blue-less hazel color I have-were a vibrant, popping violet._

"Syrina...hey, come on, hon. Wake up..."

_The hell is that voice coming from? Have my pills worn off again?_

"Syrina, I know you're tired, but if you don't wake up now I'm getting Ezra."

_I have no clue who the freak this person is, but I just hope they're a guy, because their voice sounds _really _sexy..._

"Fine, then."

_Mr. No-Identity sounds pretty cute when he's mad..._

"WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"

I abruptly sat up in bed with sweat sheeting my face and body and my heart racing as if it were...well, a race-horse, and screamed, _"Holy-shit-what-the-hell-is-happening!"_

Ezra- who, by the way, was on the floor, because I kicked her off the bed- pouted at me, her auburn hair (which really looked more red) scattered around her face and her gray designer jeans wrinkled. She stood up, brushed invisible dust off of her red, slim t-shirt, and said, "I saw the wheel was spinning, but the hamster looked dead. And hey-it's not_ my_ fault you sleep like a hibernating puma."

"Pumas don't hibernate, Ez, that's bears and frogs." I heard Nathan- my boyfriend and apparently the voice I heard through my dream- lecture her. He's a smart guy; thanks to his older twin brother Gary. Gary's a super-scientist and an inventor, so his nickname is 'Gary the gadget guy'-which really fits, because he's a mastermind at anything and everything that has to do with batteries, electricity, et cetera, and all the rest. Now that I think of it, Nathan's the guy I saw in my dream...just without the wings.

Or maybe not...

"Whatever." Ezra said. She turned back to me. "Syna, hurry up and do whatever you do that makes you look like Angelina Jolie and get into the kitchen while I make sure Yana and Sage are awake. Eryck and Josh are making breakfast." Then she made a 180-degree turn and strode out of my bedroom door. "Oh, and by the way, Nathan, I don't know what makes you so stupid, but whatever it is, it really works!" she called down the hallway, "You're in charge of getting the rest of the boys up!"

Nathan sighed and rolled his eyes. He walked over to me and sat on the edge of my bed. I looked at him and said, "As much as I love her, I still don't get what's up with the 'Angelina Jolie' thing." he chuckled and replied with, "Angelina Jolie was pretty kick-ass in Tomb Raider. But, I have to admit, I'd pick you over her any day. I doubt she has any musical talent like this angel here does!" he ran his hand through my hair while he said that. And I just couldn't help but smile and...maybe, perhaps even giggle a bit. But if you tell anybody, I will decapitate your...well, whatever you have from your body, beat you with it, and shove it down your throat. While kicking you in the ribs. Not kidding.

"Get dressed, snowflake. I'll meet you downstairs after I'm done dumping ice water down Jack and Cory's pants." H grinned at saying this, then leaned over and kissed my forehead. Damn, he sure knows how to treat a girl right. I love it when he calls me 'snowflake'. When I questioned him on it one time, he looked at me in that special way that makes you feel warm and happy and just golden sunshine with polka-dot flying unicorns shitting rainbow skittles and shimmering magic clouds and said, "Well, a snowflake is beautiful, unique, and one of a kind…just like you."

I never questioned him on it again.

H stood up and left the room, leaving me happy and staring at his gorgeous ass, until I snapped out of it and lifted myself out of bed. I dressed myself quickly, slipping into the usual outfit (which is, in fact, the one I was wearing in my dream) and going to the bathroom to do the usual routine. I had already showered the night before, so I didn't have to do that. I ran a brush through my hair and a different one over my teeth and looked myself over in the mirror once I was done.

Yep. I looked exactly like I did in my dream.

Now, I bet that you're really confused right now, so let me explain while I have the time. The reason why I was so surprised to find myself looking like this in my dream was because I was having a dream that I had already had before. And when I did have it, I had been a lot different than I was now. But, you know, traumatic experiences really change you after they become history. Don't ask about the 'trauma' part, okay? I don't really feel like going into specifics. Plus, I want my day to be happy. Hell, I freaking deserve some happy days after what I've been through!

I came out of my bathroom and exited my room (I'll describe it later), closing the door behind me so that James wouldn't get in. James is, surprisingly, my one-year-and-three-months-old son. Now, I've never been pregnant before, yet alone given birth, so it must be obvious (or maybe not really) that he just found some way to travel into the past and wind up stuck with his parents while they're 15 and 16. Who's the father, you ask? Nathan, of course. And why do I want to keep him out of my room? Because he's a freaking panther cub, that's why.

Before you start having a seizure or whatever, I can explain. You know how in my dream Nathan had wings? That already proves to you that he's a supernatural being. Well, before he got his wings, he was a spirit guardian-a black, graceful panther that went by the name 'Nanook'. But then he summoned some sort of weird spell that made him able to transform into a human and then back into a panther, and...well, the next part is kinda weird.

After me and Nathan had...you-know-what (shut up, my grand kids might read this one day) for the first time (I said I've never been pregnant, not that I was a virgin), I somehow got some of his power and was able to transform into a panther also. But I'm smaller than him, and I'm an albino panther-indicating that my fur is white, to you people who really need to get your heads out of your asses and open your eyes to the damn world. So, since Eryck (my twin sister's adopted brother-you'll get the whole scoop soon) has the amazingly coincidental power to look into the future, apparently James got that power from not just one, but both of his parents. He's a dark grey instead of just a plain color like me and Nathan. And according to Eryck, he was born that way and just isn't old enough or experienced enough yet to phase into a regular human boy.

My story puts that show '16 and pregnant' to a damn hell of a shame, doesn't it?

I looked down the hallway, seeing that it was clear, and made my way to the stairs. Oh-I forgot to explain; Nathan, Ezra, and everybody else we've mentioned so far (yes, including my twin sister, Evalyn) live together in this huge-ass house with Ezra's father, Xavier. (I like his name. It's just like, Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men Evolution! I'm just kidding...but if seriously love that show.) And no, we are not related. Really, we have nowhere else to go. So, there are 'wings', or sections of the house: the Boys' Wing (where all the boys sleep...sometimes), the Girls' Wing (which us girls are supposed to sleep in, though we usually just snuggle up with our men), the entertainment section (there are separate rooms for computers, TVs, and video games), the kitchen (which I'm on my way to right now), the living room (which is where we all just sit down and have some good family time together, when we're not too busy laughing our asses off or dragging me off of the roof...long story), and the dining room (which is where we have all of our 'special occasion' dinners...it can also be used for a ballroom). There's also a huge dance studio, a music studio, a basement (of course), an attic, and a huge backyard with several acres of forest and other shizang to keep us freaks occupied on sunny days. I never said Nathan was the only one who had wings, now, did I?

As I began to walk down the steps, I heard a scream that most would guess came from a little girl, and then Nathan laughing hysterically. And I can't help but do the same. I really love that guy.

I made my way to the kitchen (finally-that was a lot of text!) to find Eryck, with his metal headgear and pet chameleon, Zeeb (who's nickname is Geeb), cooking pancakes, eggs, toast, cinnamon rolls, and bacon with his boyfriend, Joshua (also known as Josh and sometimes 'God'). Yes, Eryck and Josh are gay. Oh-by the way, Eryck's blind. Lab explosions, you know? (Hint hint, GARY...) but really, unlike 'Iggy' from 'Maximum Ride' by James Patterson (if you haven't read that series yet, put this thing aside and get your SORRY ASS over to the nearest library/bookstore and get reading!), Josh was the one who withheld the amazing cooking skills. Eryck just handed stuff to him. And how does he do this, you ask? Using Zeeb, of course.

Now, Zeeb the chameleon gives Eryck his sight whenever he's within physical contact of him. And Zeeb is currently curled around Eryck's shoulders. Guess what that means, everybody? Eryck is actually of some use! (Totally sarcastic...I'm just joking)

As I took my usual seat at the counter (instead of regular tables, we just have a really long bar counter with lots of high seats), Sage and Yana came in through the other door (there are two doorways leading to the kitchen-one that comes from the Girls' Wing, and another that comes from the living room) and took seats next to each other a little ways down from being in front of me. It wasn't long after that when Ezra came strolling in with Daniel -Yana's boyfriend- hot on her heels. He took his usual seat next to Yana, and Ezra sat a few seats down from me on my right. She was directly in front of Sage.

Now, before I get any further, I'm gonna stop confusing the hell out of you and give you some details. Sage has pin-straight black hair and bangs that cover her eyebrows but leave her (gray) eyes hair-free. She's wearing a black t-shirt over a gray long-sleeved shirt, black jeans, and black socks (Sage doesn't put shoes on unless she goes outside). You may think it's emo, but it's because of her eye-sight. Yep, you heard me. Sage only wears black and gray because she's colorblind-so colorblind, in fact, that she can't see colors at all. I'd tell you it was another lab explosion, but it wasn't caused by that, but she definitely wasn't born with it. I tried to get the story out of her, but then she gave me one of her famous death-glares, so I used my amazing brilliance and shut my mouth as quick as I opened it.

Yeah, she acts pretty emo, too. She rarely gives you a smile, and if she does it's one of her half-smiles, or half-grins, even a half-smirk. It's like one side of her face was permanently made for showing no positive emotion. it just stays blank and frozen.

Yana- well, she's the exact opposite of sage. She has pale-blonde hair (and I mean it when I say pale-it's, like, freaking white!), crystal-blue eyes, and the sweetest, softest personality you could ever imagine. She's wearing an ice-blue unzipped sweatshirt with a turquoise tank top, sky-blue sweats, and baby blue ballet slippers. She's not that much of a girly-girl, but she sure likes blue a hell of a lot. Her and Sage are really close, too. Opposites attract, much?

Ezra looked around at all of us being quiet, and said, "If ignorance is bliss, you bitches must be the happiest chicks alive." That comment got a giggle from Yana, a slight half-smirk from Sage, and a "Good one" from me. Eryck and Josh were too busy trying to communicate and interact without making out to notice.

Just then, my twin sister Evalyn came in. Us being separated at birth by an evil wizard, both going through family tragedies that changed us forever, and being forced to choose from the 'good' side and the 'bad' side-well, poor Evie was forced onto the bad side for quite a bit. But we brought her back, 'cuz "WE ARE FAM-I-LY!"

But anyways, onto her story; yup, we were separated at birth, but I was the one who stayed with our parents (more on them later). Evie got adopted and grew up with Eryck in a different family. But her mother was the soft, helpless type, and her father was the abusive, 'douche-bag-ish' type. so, when Evie was (supposively) 13 (the evil wizard faked that she was 2 years older than she really was, to avoid suspicion), she ran away from home after the ass-hole (I mean, father) let out that she was adopted right in the middle of one of his tantrums. And it was there that she was found by one of the wing men of the evil wizard's daughter and the super-villan bitch we had to spend forever trying to kill, Erika. (Don't pay attention to how that's the female version of Eryck's name...) So, they took her into the dark side, and she stayed there for awhile, but she bailed out by faking her own death and then came to live with us. But then a bunch of action, fighting, and gory magical stuff happened that involved a hell of a lot of people, and in the end Erika was pushing up daisies. I did the job, by the way.

And...she's been here ever since. But now is the tale about our parents; after a long, long, long time, I found out that Nathan (or, should I say, Nanook) put a spell on me that made me lose my memories of 'the incident'. (To find out more about that, read Eclantus-prologue), but only when it freaking wore off. So, I got all depressed and such, but then my great grandma Irene (she's a spirit-don't ask) guided me to finding answers. And in the end, I found out that Cassie killed herself because her personal life was being invaded by Erika's evil, and that my mother had been murdered. My dad was only part of the plot, but he was held captive by Erika. So, ever since then we've had a search party going out to search Erika's old hideaways to try and find him. Still waiting, though.

Anyways, back to reality. (BBBBAAAAACCCCCCCOOOONNNN! :D :D :D )

Evalyn doesn't look exactly like me...we're fraternal twins. She has lighter colored hair (still brown, though...but it's more like a caramel rather than my milk chocolate) and dark forest-green eyes instead of violet or hazel (my eyes were hazel before I became...whatever I am now). I tend to wear purple and silver, but she's one to wear green and gold in Egyptian styles. Or some sort of ancient thing that originated in a freaking desert. But she tends to wear really fancy gold earrings and a gold band around her head that has an emerald in the center, along with some green t-shirt that exposes one shoulder and regular blue jeans. She wears a gold ankle bracelet, too. One just like her headband, but smaller. It's on her right leg. She tends to go barefoot, but only when it's not winter. Any other season, though, she throws her shoes and socks out the window and goes out and dances naked in the forest to prove just how freaking ecstatic she is about it.

The weirdest thing, though? She's in a relationship with Gary. That's right-my older twin sister and Nathan's older twin brother are going out. Look me in the face and tell me that's not creepy.

But, let's get back to what's really happening. I feel like a jerk making you read all of this where I'm just being a bitch, not going along with the plot.

So, Evie came in, took her seat across from me, and resumed her tradition of not talking until she is served food. Don't ask me, it's her own thing. But then, out of nowhere, Nathan,

Jack (Sage's boyfriend), and Cory (Ezra's boyfriend) all come stomping in and taking their seats in- yet more- silence. Jack and Cory had furious scowls planted onto their faces, but Nathan was giving such bright a grin I was wondering if he made a stop down memory lane to the time where we first got laid (yeah-his smile was that big).

Unfortunately, I'm gonna force you to read descriptions of the two 'new guys'. But I'll try to make it quick, okay?

Jack: black hair that's kinda shaggy and flops into his eyes all the time. His eyes are a really really really dark brown, by the way. He has muscular tan skin (I may be taken, but there's no doubt he is daaaamn fiiiine) and doesn't really wear shirts that often. He is a boss at samurai swords (or whatever you call it) and is a total bad boy.

Cory: very very light brown hair, doesn't need a haircut (like Jack and Nathan do, but refuse to...jerks). Aquamarine eyes. Pale skin that's only slightly tanned. Moderately muscular. Tends to wear brown a lot. Soft, sweet, and pretty funny.

So, of course, Jack sits next to Sage and Cory sits next to Ezra. With Cory being the nicer of probably all the guys, he breaks the silence by saying, "You know, a though crossed my mind the other day..."

But before he could finish, Sage burst in with, "A thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey." Now, this is around the part where you figure out why Sage and Ezra are getting into 'bitch fights' all the time.

This is when Ezra comes in to defend her boyfriend with, "Sage, are you okay? Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?"

And with Sage being the person she is, she shoots back with, "He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot."

And back and forth they go, Ezra saying, "I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.", then Sage replying, "Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?" and then Ezra going, "Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!" and on and on...kind of like this:

E=Ezra S=Sage

S=Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

E=Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

S=Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

E=Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!

S=Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

E=Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

S=I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

E=I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

S=I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

E=If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

S=If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.

E="Oh, it's ON, bitch!"

Ezra sprang out of her chair and tackled Sage to the ground. They were moving so fast you could barely see Ezra bite Sage's forearm as Sage tried to tear her hair out. They were so rough, Ezra's lipstick smeared-and that has never happened before!

5 minutes later...

Sage and Ezra are still cat-fighting. I'm starting to wonder when the boys will be done with the bacon...

A low, pained groan came from the doorway near the living room. I looked up to see Nathan's older twin brother standing in the doorway, rubbing his head. Gary's dirty-blonde hair (that was more blonde than Nathans, but had just enough brown to count as 'dirty-blonde') was messy and tangled, reaching the back of his neck and even layering onto the top of his spine. His fluorescent green eyes darted around the room tiredly. He had bags under his eyes that were almost as...baggy...as his old, rumpled gray sweatpants and old lab coat, which was unbuttoned and showed a chest that even I, the about-to-be-old-enough-to-finally-get-engaged-with-my-boyfriend girl, had to say was majorly impressive. (Not as impressive as Nathan, though...you haven't seen what he can do. ;D )

"Hey, Gary, what's up? Did you fall asleep in the lab again?" I say, my attention taken from the girls. "Yeah...I stayed up late last night working on something for Sa-". And it was then that he noticed the girls in a very awkward position.

I guess that they had been in the middle of a tackle-fight and Sage had just gotten on top of Ezra, but when they paused because they noticed that Gary was there, it kind of ended up looking like she was straddling Ezra. And they were both breathless and sweaty enough (some of their clothes were torn, to top it all off) to make someone who had no idea what was going on think the 'wrong thing', if you're catching my line.

"Uhm..." they both said in unison, "It's not what it looks like!" With that, Sage got off of Ezra, and they both stood up and brush themselves off the best they could.

Gary grinned like the idiot he was and was about to say something, only then his gaze averted onto something behind me. We all turned around to find Xavier holding James in the cradle of his arms and looking at us humorously. "Were you guys so busy fighting that you forgot about the baby?" I stepped forward instantly, taking a very irritated James into my arms and smiling down at him. "Good morning, handsome. How are you today?"

His expression immediately changed to a soft and adoring smile that could only be used with his eyes. Gosh, my kid is freaking adorable. He purred and placed his head on top of my chest. I started stroking his neck as I turned back to everybody else. They were all silent, staring at me with awed expressions as James, the forever stubborn and confused panther cub, curled up in my arms and nuzzled his nose against my shoulder. Nathan looked at both of us with so much love in his eyes, I wondered where his heart went. (Hee hee...)

Xavier broke the silence with a loud sniff, then saying, "What smells like burning bacon?"

Josh and Eryck, who had both paused their cooking to watch the madness in the rest of the kitchen, widened their eyes and started cursing like madmen (which I, being the responsible and caring mother here, covered poor James's ears before he could be verbally abused and have his life changed forever) and turned back to the pan of bacon, which was giving off a strong black smoke. Ezra, Nathan and I just watched with amused smiles instead of helping him. Actually, I wasn't smiling; I was upset because this meant I was going to have to wait even longer to get bacon. My precious bacon...

When Eryck and Josh's attempts to put out the fire just made the whole thing burst into more flames, we all started laughing. Well, except for me, of course-I just sat back down with James still snuggled up against me, sighed, and rolled my eyes. Because you know what?

If you think this morning was crazy, you should see Halloween.


End file.
